Accommodation in the US is an odd thing. Price is not necessarily a guarantee of quality, and often a cheaper option is actually more suited to our needs.

This has been a cheap holiday by most people’s standards. We’ve stayed with family for a couple of weeks, and camped about half the remaining time. Camping is great when the weather’s fine (it’s been perfect) so long as you’re not moving every day. Setting up and taking down a tent/mattress daily is draining, and it’s been cold at altitude near Yellowstone. Also, most of the best places to camp are the worst for facilities.

Nicer campsites are run by the National Parks Service or the National Forests. In fact, the National Forests usually provide nicer sites because they aren’t trying to preserve the environment in the same way. Because they can, they put pretty campsites right on the banks of rivers and so forth, where the NPS would leave it clear for everyone.

Either way, these National bodies have campsites in scenic locations, but usually without showers, perhaps with running water, and perhaps pit toilets instead of regular toilets. We carry water, can deal with pits, but showers do actually keep you clean. Yellowstone at least has three campsites with pay showers, which you do need by the fourth or fifth day without. It’s not so much the smell as the caked dirt on your feet.

At this point, you probably want a room in a hotel or motel, so you can have a very long shower and wander around naked gazing blankly at American TV. (How can they have another ad break now? What did they just say? But they’re obviously actors!) The differences are many, and some are subtle.

The obvious one is that you can usually drive right up to your door in a motel. Not great for security or privacy, but terrific for hauling crap out of a two door car and throwing it into a room. Many more modern motels have two floors, negating this bonus. Certainly a number of the chain motels are simply miniature hotels with carparks, but the older independent motels stay true to their roots.

Another obvious one is location. Most motels are in terrible locations for, say, visiting a city, because they’re near the interstate highway exits. But if you’re driving a lot and just want a bed for the night (like us) then that’s perfect. And most of the places we’ve visited have been small, so motels are within easy distance of any pubs and restaurants.

Motels are usually cheaper ($30-80), but the lines get pretty blurry between low-end hotels and nicer motels, especially as they don’t specify in their names: Econo Lodge, Quinta Inn. If you can’t drive up to the door, you’ll pay more. If there’s local competition, you’ll pay less. Facilities are luck. You will have a TV and your own private bathroom in any motel, but not in the very cheapest hotel. You might have one or all of a fridge, microwave, coffeepot, modem ports, wired internet, wireless internet, TV remote control (!), air conditioning, and extra channels on the TV like ad-free HBO.

Chain motels and other options (condominiums, B&Bs, real hotels) maintain better standards all round, but charge for the privilege and are often full. Usually it’s a case of how fussy you are about your furnishings, and we’re not that fussy. We’re far more discerning about internet access, but it’s not really worth paying $20 a night just for that. Like so much in the US, it’s all down to competition, and the owners are quite used to customers looking at rooms all around town.

Ideally, though, we’d like to stay in a place like the Las Vegas Hilton every night, for the $64 that cost us each night. Huge bed, high standards, staff making up your bed each day, a huge pool and spa, and views of the most American place on earth. Of course, we wouldn’t want to wake up in Vegas every day, and you can’t see as many stars from there. Camping is actually fun on the new inflatable mattress we bought, and we’d like to do more.

But there are only about 10 nights to go and the olympics are in full swing. Just one more night in a motel?

Wow, this all seems a long time ago. Sorry for the delay – it’s a lot easier to get this stuff down from a new Mac laptop. More about that later. Anyway, here are the details from the last week or so.

Zion National Park: a case study in what happens when too many people visit. Shuttle buses herd you in, then vast groups of foreign tourists (like us, but with designer clothes) take over the few paths. An expensive nearby campground puts far too many people in a small space. The whole thing is simply unenjoyable for casual hikers like us.

Because of this unpleasant experience, we edited Bryce Canyon from our future plans, which was perhaps a mistake. Maybe not – every photo we’ve seen of the place since has been from the same angle – but the route passing by it is reputed to be one of the most scenic in the country. Yet if we’d done that, we’d have missed out on others, so I’ll leave it there.

The Grand Canyon (North Rim) was next up, a drive of several hours on, past several areas frequented by deer. These pronged animals are all well and good except that they’re profoundly thick, and like to eat near the road. They walk slowly.

But get past them, and you’re faced with one of the great natural wonders of the planet. Never have you seen such a big hole, so resembling a matte painting. It’s indescribably colossal, awesome in scale and depth. Lightning strikes attack the other side of the canyon, but our side remains dry. We drive for an hour for a different perspective at sunset; somewhat spoiled by the twits who’ve jumped past the fence to “get the best shot” but still incredible. Yeah, I’d recommend the Grand Canyon, and the North Rim is pretty tourist-free.

Onward around on a variation on the Grand Circle, and to Monument Valley. The Valley proper is part of an Native American reservation, and the best time to see it is sunrise. Clouds help neither sunset nor rise; neither do the stomach problems I had. The monuments are huge stands of rocks (mesas, buttes) poking out of the desert as in a road runner cartoon. Only very limited hiking is allowed, but a scenic drive reveals more odd formations. It’s a special part of the world, and the campsite’s pretty great. Give it a shot if you can.

Traditional ownership has meant that the area is not a theme park, and should be there for you and your grandchildren to see. Navajo locals sell inexpensive jewellery, expensive weavings and some pottery by the side of the road from chipboard huts. Actually some nice stuff, turquoise aplenty, often unique, and not all from the same factory as you might expect.

Onward, to Natural Bridges National Park on the way north. It’s small and interesting, but the drive there, by the Valley of the Gods, was better. Then, Moab, an oasis of nearly cool in the conservative, religious state of Utah.

(Joe Smith wanted more than one wife back in the 1800s, so he has a vision of John the Baptist making him into a latter-day saint. Bingo: Mormons.)

Utah’s like Norway for alcohol control: state-owned shops for anything over 3%. Good microbrews in town, though, good steak, and a good motel, so a fine time was had. Plus we’d been camping for a few nights, and expanded private space was very welcome.

A day trip: Arches National Park is one of the more enjoyable, accessible parks we’ve ever been to. Huge stone arches, old, new and unfinished, near and far from cars. (Motor vehicles, the blessing and curse. You don’t want too many people, but we’re not serious hikers. Middle ground is good.) Clambering around many of the arches is possible and fun – Double Arch was great; Landscape Arch spectacular from a distance. Like Death Valley, it was very hot and dry here, which seriously limits the hiking you can do. There’s little shade, and we tend to cleverly time our arrival for lunchtime. We do OK.

Canyonlands National Park is less well-known, and far less visited; a grand landscape kept at arm’s length. Enormous stretches of canyons within canyons can only be seen up close with a 4WD – the best reason we can think of to get one. The exception in this park is Mesa Arch, an arch atop a cliff framing a deep, immediate valley of stone and dust. An arch better than any in Arches.

North for just a stop, long driving until we couldn’t. I think this was the day we expected motels in smaller towns and found only tumbleweeds in hamlets. The motel we found was just like every other motel, but clean, under $60 including breakfast and near a cinema. Perfect.

Salt Lake City is just weird. At the centre is Temple Square. There’s a church, a tabernacle, a conference centre and more. An assembly line of newlyweds pop out of a long corridor, grooms with long tailcoats and brides in (surely) virginal white. They do their thing, come out of the door, then their photo is taken in a series of locations around the church, without ever having entered.

The funniest photo we saw was of a couple with arms raised, pointing toward the church spire. And this is all because a slightly nutty guy called Joe Smith got a bit randy and had a convenient vision. Wa-hey. (A real sighting? Imagination? I know which way Occam’s Razor cuts.)

So we look about. There’s a funeral on for a recently departed Elder, so the usual organ recital’s off and most buildings are closed. Only the rear of the tabernacle, the soundproofed (speaker-powered) section, is open to casual viewers. We saw the choir through glass, and heard them through the din of restless children.

We left, for Antelope Island, the largest island on the Great Salt Lake. Not just a salt flat, but a proper, salty lake you can sit and float in. Shame that big bits of it stink. Further shame that the water’s so far out that you have to walk for 10 minutes to get to it, through alternate soft sand and stony ground. The punchline is true; you really do float, and it’s like I imagine weightlessness.

Alas, the post-swim walk is long, dry and salt-encrusted. Free outdoor showers (just like home!) are helpful but insufficient. An earlier drive had shown us one bison nearby and a herd in the distance, hiding from the people in the cars, out of reach past the end of the road. Herds of theoretical bison.

That night, I got furious. We pulled up to one of the shaded tables near the water just as a couple was leaving, hauled our food from the car and began to eat. Then the couple came back and sat next to us to complete their diaries, write postcards, and finalise their taxes. Bastards. No more privacy, and the sun sets. A night from hell to follow: thunderstorms move past and bring us howling winds. Tenting about’s worst time.

North again to Alpine weather, hot blazing sun, cold shade. Clouds, if any, appear swiftly after lunch. Targhee National Forest presents itself at the right time, when we simply have to stop driving and settle down to eat and bed. At this point, we would have liked a motel, but they’re far between and few; those that are are pricey. So camping again. (Great site across the road from us, as mentioned in the last quick email.)

So, finally, to Yellowstone. The first national park in the world and one of the best known. For me, Yosemite was more recognisable, thanks to Ansel Adams’ body of work there. Yellowstone was that place with the geysers that Yogi didn’t come from. We plan a few nights, mostly to look at the geothermal features, and a night to relax.

First day, to Mammoth Hot Springs, where morons leave the trail past the clear signage to destroy the fragile environment and risk scalding by superheated water. (Ground can be deceptively thin near thermal features.) Elk spotting’s easy: drive around the main roads, look for cars stopped or slowing and cameras leading people too close to wild animals.

Next day, to Old Faithful and a full day of geyser chasing. The best known geyser in the world is impressive, predictable within 10 minutes, and worth seeing early. The crowds of tourists sitting waiting when there’s at least an hour until it pops are a source of amusement; there’s plenty more to see in the immediate neighbourhood. One of those is Grand geyser, which goes off only every several hours – just once in convenient viewing time. We settle in on the benches, and soon involuntarily eavesdrop on two groups of geyser nerds who’ve settled in for a long wait. One grandmother behind us, who’s been watching this geyser “play” since she was a child, is full of information imparted to her grandchildren, who aren’t patient.

“The small geyser is called Turban. Grand won’t play until Turban plays.” But there’s more to it than that. The pool’s got to be full, and Grand’s got to be ready when Turban plays, or Grand won’t play. Turban goes (bubbles and churns for a few minutes) every 10-20 minutes, so if Grand doesn’t go then, there’s a longer wait to be had.

The other group of nerds is a family of geyser watchers; they’ve spent up to six hours waiting for a geyser to go off, take pages of notes and walkie talkies connected to other people watching other geysers. The fate of these kids is sealed, but Grandma’s kids seem content not to know the details. Grandma, on arrival, reckons a good hour before Grand goes off, and so it proves. We waited for an hour and a half with the geyser nerds to see it happen, and it was absolutely worth it.

Huge quantities of boiling water and steam erupted into the air for several minutes, spurting and gasping repeatedly; when you think it’s over it yawns, sucks back and explodes again. The awesome, beautiful power of nature unleashed, far rarer and more impressive than Old Faithful. Of course, the nerds went a bit crazy: hooping, hollering and cheering. Shouting encouragement for the second eruption, then clapping at the end. Just like a football match or a blockbuster movie.

On cue at the close of Grand’s play, the doomed teenage geyser chaser got a call on his walkie talkie, “Beehive’s indicator’s going off!” and gathered his things together quickly. We followed the family to Beehive, an unpredictable geyser with an indicator that erupts about 20 minutes before the main show. One of the most powerful natural jets of water in the world, the wind shifted during its eruption and soaked many spectators. Given the warnings about boiling water, many ran for cover, but needlessly; the water goes up hot but comes down as cold rain. We saw other geysers, pools and springs this day, but none as impressive as these two.

Grand Prismatic Spring is notable for the coloured steam boiling from its surface, but isn’t as striking as in Yann-Arthus Bertrand’s Earth From the Air picture. You can’t get any height from the viewing boardwalk, and it’s named for the differently coloured thermophilic bacteria that live at different depths within the pool. Still very pretty.

After this day, mostly chores. Buying this and that, posting the other. Pizza, walking by the lake, part of a walk led by Ranger Tori around West Thumb’s thermal features. And another night camping. Too much camping by now, but at least Grant Village has showers. (Pay showers, but not time-limited, and of near-infinite value after about five nights without. Are you familiar with the Wet Ones cleansing process?)

Onward south… no, bugger it. If it’s too much for me to write, I can’t expect it to be read. More about Grand Teton National Park, the ERB-1, Craters of the Moon, Sawtooth NRA, Ontario (ID), Portland and the Oregon coast to say just yet. We’re sitting in a cheap motel in Newport, on Oregon’s coast, where the fog rolled in sometime today and never left. The classiness of the room is unimportant; the Olympics are on and it’s the size of the TV that matters. Shame it’s not the widescreen hi-def multichannel that the UK and Australia are enjoying now. I don’t see how we can camp while Australia’s still competing in the pool, and we miss Roy and HG’s commentary.

My watch is currently between dates; that means the flight is almost another day closer, when this all ends and we both discover our new lives and new home back in Brisbane. It’s exciting to travel, but to return home to a whole new life and the potential it holds is a joy that’s rarely experienced. To see, for the first time, the house we now own. To find new lives that don’t run on 9 to 5 lines. To reconnect with friends. Every trip away is great, but temporary. Our lives at home are the real deal, full of happy promise and, of course, more travel.

See you or talk to you soon.

Too little time, too few internet outlets. I promise once we get to Portland and start our trip down the coast, there will be more updates, especially as we can scab free wireless internet by hanging outside motels. Hopefully.

Anyway, a quick, quick summary of where we’ve been. More when there’s more time.

Zion NP (National Park). Cool, too many people. Shuttle buses and mega groups.

Grand Canyon. Amazing. Jaws dropped. Incredible desert/rock scenery through this whole region.

Monument Valley. Fab. Grand. Sunrise is too early.

Moab, near Arches and Canyonlands NPs. Both superb in their own way; Arches very accessible to the non-hiker and short walker, Canyonlands less so but much larger in scale and more dramatic.

Salt Lake City. Mormons are wacky. So many weddings.

Antelope Island. Full of theoretical bison, on the lake. Yes, you float without paddling.

Spanish Fork. Motel stop in the middle of nowhere. Room had a TV, nearby strip mall had a multiplex. Win-win.

Targhee National Forest. Very pleasant campground, by a fab lake. Spot A16, next to ours, is possibly the best camp site we’ve ever seen.

Now we’re in Yellowstone, where there are too many stupid people walking on delicate/dangerous areas off-trail, or driving at half the speed limit. But we’re having a good time, even if we haven’t showered enough.

After a few days here, we’re off to Grand Teton NP, then Craters of the Moon, Sawtooth Nat. Rec. Area, then West, Portland, and along the coast for a week before hooking up with Cam and Amy (hi!) the day before we fly out.

In under three weeks.

OK – if I haven’t expanded on this in a week, email me. Hell, let me know you’re reading anyway. See you in Brisbane soon, or talk to you later.

And just before we lose this lovely room with its net access, a few little things we’ve noticed about the USA but Las Vegas especially.

It’s all about the money. That is, convincing you something is good value while hitting you for extras: a ticket to last night’s Ani Di Franco concert at the House of Blues, bought online, would attract sales tax, a booking fee, and a convenience fee.

It’s also all about the marketing. Telling you how great the meal you’re about to order is, though it will taste the same as every other burger chain, loaded with sugar and high fructose corn syrup. Yesterday, we saw a couple wearing matching badges: “Ask me about my recent marriage”.

It’s big. Everything’s big. Distances are actually pretty quick to cover, certainly compared to the UK.

So, the closing word from Nic: “It’s all about delusional self-gratification.” And so it proves to be. Still, there’s some great scenery out there, and we’re going to find some more.

Sorry for the delay in getting this out, it’s very late (now 1am) and we haven’t had any access. We’ve got too much video and too many photos, but we’ll whittle and edit and show something worthwhile. In the meantime, this is a utilitarien description at best, out of order or in order depending on how you read it. And I haven’t even mentioned much about San Francisco yet. Bugger.

OK, here we go.

SF. Arrived. Got in to town. Intantly felt like we weren’t in Wisconsin any more. To be blunt, the social welfare system is so far up shit creek in SF that in downtown there are not just multiple people begging on each block, but you can find women sniffing lighter fluid and men approaching you on street corners trying to sell an empty wallet ($2) or saying “hello white people, I’ll be your comedian this evening”.

This is the kind of thing that puts you off a place. It’s not that you feel physically unsafe, just constantly hassled and aware that you’ve got it a whole lot better than a great many people around you.

So San Fran was Not as much fun as we’d expected, though the Polyphonic Spree were excellent, a bike ride around the bay was great, and an unplanned meeting an old friend was really fun. Oh, and we bought our new tent – lots of prepping for camping.

I must sleep now. We’ll be going to a number of rocky national parks next, and again will have limited net time, so more apologies. Hope you’re all well.

We have less than a month to go. Wheeeeeee!

More backtracking while it’s still in the head somewhere, because we’ll never see all the photos and video.

Yosemite, in brief and in order:

21 July: Pick up the car in SF, long drive to Yosemite, via Target and other large American stores for supplies. Arrive in Yosemite Valley, set up, sleep. Bears about.

22 July: Move our tent within the same campground, go exploring around the Valley. Nice falls, nice meadows, nice swim in the Merced River looking at Half Dome at sunset. Showers aren’t free or convenient, so rivers are handy. Bears again, sleeping issues.

23 July: Move out of the crowded valley to crowded Crane Flat, via a great view at Glacier Point. Giant Sequoia grove, another swim. Missing soap terribly.

24 July: Move on again to the north-east corner of the park, Tuolomne Meadows, for three nights here. Lovely spot by a new river. Great swimming, still no showers available. Getting grotty. Wandered to Soda Springs and around; friendlier, prettier and higher than the valley, and recommended.

25 July: Feeling altitude sickness (8500 feet or so up). At least when we try to hike up Lembert Dome via Dog Lake. Eventually make it to Dog Lake; nice, but flies make eating tricky. Eventually after that, make it to Lembert Dome summit, which is stunning. Back via Tuolomne Lodge (canvas cabins with a nearby restaurant) to another swim. Very cool.

26 July: Last day without a shower, and a perfect day in every way. We haven’t seen rain since we left New York, but this was just a great day in every way. By Tenaya Lake for a while, then wandering slowly up the river, finding our own private granite beach.

27 July: To Lone Pine, a motel, and a shower. And there the story continues…

OK, trying again. This crappy system just ate two paragraphs.

Pre-vegas, we passed through Death Valley. Unbelievable heat – 40 degress C in the shade at 10am, and hotter after that. The air was a struggle to breathe, as in a dry hammam. A real sense of impending doom as our bodies just failed to deal with heat on this scale; we drank three litres of water each.

Utter silence in the still heat.

Before that, a motel in Lone Pine, a pool with a nice view of the Sierras, and a fine hand-tossed pizza from across the way. And before that, Yosemite. More next, ie. further up the page. I hope you’re all reading backwards.

Wow. Vegas is a strange place. Typing this on a crappy, blurry internet system on our TV in a nice, cheap room in the Las Vegas Hilton. Just visited as many casinos as we feasibly could to check them out for weirdness, and found it.

Each casino has its own theme, tackiness rating, and modesty rating for the waitresses’ uniforms. Some are classier, some tackier, but most share the same basic games and a desire to take your money. No clocks, few signs to exits, and buffets for dining. It’s the end of civilisation.

Backtracking. The week in Star Prairie has blurred, and will remain blurry since no notes were taken. Let’s recap some of the key events.

Picked up, generously, from Madison after a generous lift there was given.

A good mexican meal with a “large beer”.

A swim in a lake, of which much will be made.

Power-boating on a different lake, at what felt like higher speeds.

Visiting a foal less than a week old.

A walk in Interstate Park.

A trip to the Mall of America, a large place. There’s a whole theme park (Snoopy Camp) in the middle. And a wedding chapel.

Hanging out with my new step-siblings. For the sake of anonymity, I’ll call them Brae and Shady. Much fun with Super Smash Bros Melee and Frisbee French Cricket. Meeting the extended family and friends.

Mowing a huge lawn with a ride-on mower.

The “Get The Foreigners Drunk” party, though thankfully no surfacing of “that” drinking game. Drunken hill-rolling, though. Tacos too. Much local beer, margaritas.

A first drive in the USA, on the wrong side.

Hanging out with my father for the last time in a while.

Getting to know his new wife, the friendly stepmother.

Homemade curry with homemade naan bread.

A mosquito-infested walk at Saratoga Springs.

Peace and quiet; it’s a small place.

Heat burning down from the blue, blue skies.

Now, we’re off to Yosemite and many other national parks; we may be unable to blog or call for a little while. Advanced apologies, and have a nice day!

There’s a whole pile of stuff to say about Star Prairie, visiting family, but I can’t say that stuff now. I’ll write it longhand and come back to type it in. There’s also stuff to say about San Francisco. But right now, I have to go on a bit about the excellent band that we just saw, here at the Apple Store San Francisco, where this message is being sent from. See, The Polyphonic Spree just played, and they were fantastic. Huge amounts of energy, sweat pouring off bodies, jumping, dancing, a theremin, a harp, loads of good vibes, happy people.

And I got the whole thing on my camcorder. Sure, it’s probably distorted off the scale, but it could be good. And also, we’ve got their album (now signed by about 15 of them) on our iPod and will be cranking it up this evening.

Good live music in an Apple Store, second row seat (of two rows) and a fab time.

(After a fab day, riding around the bay’s edge. But that’s another story, and will be told another time.)