This post is rated MA. Not recommended for mothers. You have been warned. OK, I’ll just hide the whole thing in white text. If you want to read this, just select the blank area below with a click and drag.

I’m sorry to admit that I just really enjoyed Big Brother. Not just any Big Brother, but Big Brother Uncut. We watched much of BB in Britain a couple of years ago, but I don’t know how anyone could give a fracking crap about it after watching this.

Most Big Brother shows turn into he-said-she-said nonsense, like a live reality soap opera, but this show takes the nudity, masturbation, sex talk etc. that you’ve never seen and shows them in a one hour show. The shower room in this BB is built for voyeurs, so they show compilations of naked people rubbing their breasts or shaking their dicks.

There’s a chat in the bedroom between a few of the girls, one of them saying how good an electric toothbrush is on her clit. There’s another scene where they’re masturbating in the spa with a hose and then their hands. Finally, a fabulous scene where a particularly thick, drunk girl is cavorting in a bath covered in rose petals, moving like a bendy dolphin with big boobs, while the guy she’s brought into the room eats pringles and pretends not to notice.

Obviously this is all part of the grand plan, to lock a bunch of horny singles in a house and get it on. That’s not unique nor a surprise. But in the UK, one stray breast is front page news in a slew of tabloids. This show, despite how steamy it all sounds, wasn’t presented as a tawdry ooh-aah nudge-nudge affair. It all seemed pretty healthy and normal for a bunch of horny singles locked in a house together. It seemed unrepressed, Australian, and funny. You don’t agree with everything they say, but you don’t need to.

Extremely hilarious, compulsive pervy fun.

Returning to normality: aren’t kittens great?